S01E02.1: The Dead Planet (1963)

Written by Terry Nation
Directed by Christopher Barry
First Doctor, William Hartnell
Companions: Susan Foreman, Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright

Drinking game tally: 6

The episode begins with the Doctor, Ian, Barbara, and Susan emerging from the TARDIS, unaware of the dangerously high radiation levels on the planet. They notice that the strange forest is petrified—all the trees are stone, and the soil is nothing but sand and ash.

Barbara and Ian worry that they’ll never return home. They debate remaining by the TARDIS, but decide to keep close to the Doctor, since he seems to have a penchant for trouble. That’s an understatement if there ever was one.

Susan takes delight in a petrified flower she finds, which actually would be really cool to see. She claims it even kept some of its color, which is up to our imaginations since it’s still black and white.

Ian helps her pick it, but then Barbara lets out a scream [a companion screams—drink!] and in his haste to get to her, he crushes the flower.

It turns out all Barbara was screaming at was a giant, petrified lizard. When the Doctor takes a look at it, he notes that while it is in fact dead, it isn’t petrified—it’s made of metal, and always has been. He says it was probably made of a pliable metal held together in a magnetic field, and may have even been able to pull its also metal prey towards it via this magnetism. It’s quite an interesting concept—I love how creative this show can be. He also calls Ian “Chesterfield” rather than “Chesterton” and flubs the magnetic field line, revealing how old William Hartnell was when he played the Doctor [William Hartnell flubs or forgets a line—drink!].

A petrified world that was once full of creatures made of metal! The mystery deepens. Unfortunately for Barbara and Ian, this confirms that they absolutely aren’t on Earth, and Barbara is quite put out by this.

Now that I think about it, Barbara and Ian are probably two of the only companions that were actively unhappy to be travelling with the Doctor, and didn’t want to go with him in the first place. Ian offers his support to Barbara and they have a sweet, possibly romantic moment as they bond over the culture-shock and homesickness.

One the edge of the Jungle they spot a city off in the distance.

The Doctor is impatient to go down and look at it, determined to find out what caused the death of everything on the planet. Ian and Barbara, however, won’t have any of it and insist they all go back to the ship. They manage to convince the Doctor to return, since it’s getting dark, but he seems very resolved to return and investigate tomorrow.

As they walk back to the TARDIS, Susan stops to pick another petrified flower to replace the one Ian broke. She falls behind the others and becomes terrified at hearing a noise. We see a hand touch her shoulder from behind and she screams and runs to find the others [a companion screams—drink!].

When they return to the TARDIS, the Doctor asks Barbara to speak to Susan about it. We get a glimpse of the rooms outside of the control room, which is rare for the series (as a whole) [scene inside the TARDIS not in the control room—drink!]. Susan is frustrated that no one believes that someone touched her on the shoulder.

After more squabbling between the Doctor and Ian, they decide to get something to eat. Barbara and Ian request bacon and eggs, and the Doctor and Susan start pressing buttons and turning dials on a machine, and out pop two sort of bars wrapped in foil. Barbara and Ian are apprehensive for a moment, but after trying them, are quite impressed.

As they are about to go to bed, they hear a noise outside the TARDIS. They check the scanner but see no one. Barbara, Susan, and Ian insist that they leave, but the Doctor refuses, intent on seeing the city and figuring out the mystery. He then pretends to be convinced and starts to fly the TARDIS, but removes a vital piece of the mechanism.

The TARDIS fails to move and the Doctor explains that the mercury has leaked out of the fluid link (the piece which he removed), and they cannot fly until they refill it. Unfortunately, there is no mercury on board, so they must go to the city to try to find some. Ian is suspicious, but doesn’t say so. The Doctor is pretty pleased with himself.

When they leave for the city in the morning, they find a small metal box lying in front of the TARDIS.

They find it contains small glass vials with liquid inside. They leave it inside the TARDIS and head off for the city.

By the time they arrive, the Doctor is exhausted and Ian admits to feeling a bit unwell too—likely due to the radiation, but they are still unaware of it. They decide to split up to look for the mercury, which is just asking for trouble. Barbara and Ian both find different motion-sensor doors and walk through, while Doctor, supported by Susan, continue in a different direction.

Barbara finds herself in a hallway with low, round arches. As she walks, the doors start to close behind her. She reaches a dead end, but discovers she is trapped and can’t go back the way she came. Ten minutes pass and when she still hasn’t met Ian, Susan, and the Doctor back at the entrance, they decide to go look for her. She continues through the maze of sliding doors, becoming more and more terrified, when she is approached by a mechanical arm or probe. She lets out a scream and the episode ends [a companion screams—drink! An episode ends in a cliffhanger—drink!].

Also… DALEKS!!!!!!!

This is the first ever appearance of the Daleks, and the first time I ever saw this I was so excited, but also amazed at how early they appear in the show! It’s only the second serial/fifth episode, and the most classic and (in my opinion) best antagonist is already introduced. I could go on and on about how much I love the Daleks, so I’ll probably do a separate post on here at some point. 

          

S01E01.4: The Firemaker (1963)

Written by Anthony Coburn
Directed by Waris Hussein

First Doctor, William Hartnell

Companions: Susan Foreman, Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright

Drinking game tally: 3

After being ambushed by Kal and his followers, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara, and Susan are taken back to the caveman camp along with the wounded Za. After some arguing in the ever-brutal caveman dialogue, the Doctor convinces the tribe that Kal was the one who killed the old woman, not Za, indicated by the blood on his knife. They convince the tribe to drive Kal away, but then Za imprisons them in the Cave of Skulls once again.

Hur tells Za how Ian and Barbara helped nurse him, but neither of them are able to grasp the concept of compassion. He also reflects on some wisdom that Ian gave him earlier:  “Kal is not stronger than the whole tribe.”

Back in the Cave of Skulls, Barbara and Susan help Ian make a fire.

Za enters the cave and watches them make the fire. He asks who the leader of their tribe is and Ian informs him it is the Doctor, concluding their squabbling over the position in part 3 of the story. Ian explains to Za that everyone should know how to make fire, and that the firemaker is the least important person in their tribe because everyone can do it.

Meanwhile, the tribe outside becomes impatient for the deaths of the Doctor, Ian, Barbara, and Susan, which were supposed to occur at dawn. Kal, too, has decided to sneak back and returns to the cave.

After a super-epic caveman brawl, Kal is dead [someone dies—drink!] and now (with the added bonus of fire) Za is the undisputed leader. He brings the fire on a torch out to the tribe, and declares himself leader.

He goes to the forest to hunt for meat, abandoning the Doctor and gang in the Cave of Skulls. When he returns, Za decides to never let them go.  Susan then gets the idea to put skulls on top of torches so it will look like they died and they can escape out the back of the cave.

The tribe was terrified at first, but soon realizes their trick and they all make torches to chase after them. Luckily it was too late and the Doctor, Ian, Barbara, and Susan make it safely back to the TARDIS. The TARDIS dematerializes just as the cavemen approach, astonishing their simple minds [TARDIS moves—drink!].

Barbara and Ian demand to be taken back to their own time, but the Doctor explains that it isn’t possible. The TARDIS lands, and the Doctor has no idea where they are. They decide to look around outside, but before they leave, the Doctor asks Susan to double check the radiation levels. She does, says they’re fine, and they all exit the TARDIS. As the episode comes to a close, we see the radiation dial shoot up [episode ends in a cliffhanger—drink!].

"An Unearthly Child" and it's following episodes that make up the serial will always have a special place in my heart because it’s the first ever serial of my favorite series ever. I love the cheesy effects and plot devices, which are a big part of what makes Classic!Doctor Who such a great show for me.

This episode in particular was a bit painful, though, primarily because of the cavemen. Their dialogue was broken and choppy, so much so that it was just irritating and didn’t add much to the story for me. I realize that they are cavemen so it needed to be simple, but I feel like it could have been at least less choppy.

Additionally, I don’t know how much I buy the cavemen not understanding friendship or compassion. In the first place, most animals exhibit both of those behaviors very regularly. Secondly, living in a communal setting (as human beings have always done) would make those traits both recognizable and valued.

It was also really interesting to look into the mindset of the 1960s. The gender roles were much more pronounced than you typically see these days (e.g. Barbara and Susan screaming, crying, acting hysterical, etc.), and age roles were as well, which I wasn’t expecting (the fighting between the Doctor and Ian, incarnating old vs. young).

Ian and Barbara’s utter disbelief of the Doctor and the TARDIS in the beginning was also something unexpected for the modern viewer. I wonder, though, if maybe that is more of a realistic reaction than the reactions of more modern companions. I think it probably depends a lot more on the individual than on the era they come from, in any case. 

S01E01.3: The Forest of Fear (1963)

Written by Anthony Coburn
Directed by Waris Hussein
First Doctor, William Hartnell
Companions: Susan Foreman, Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright
Drinking game tally: 6

After reminding you how much danger the Doctor and gang are in (see Cave of Skulls), the episode begins with a panning shot of a post-orgy group of cavemen, asleep.

Ol’ Witch-face from the previous episode wakes up and sneakily takes a smooth stone from another sleeping caveman, conveniently holding it still in the camera frame for a full sixty-two seconds while the title credits roll.

Back in the Cave of Skulls, the Doctor and his companions are unsuccessfully trying to cut the ropes binding their wrists on rocks. The Doctor comes up with the “brilliant” but sinister idea of using the bones instead, and they decide to cut Ian free first so he can defend them if need be.

Cut back to the cavemen, Za’s trophy wife-to-be “Hur” wakes him up, informing him that ol’ Witch-face took his rock (“knife”) and he runs out of the cave after her. As ol’ Witch-face enters the cave, Susan cries out dramatically [a companion screams—drink!]. “You will not make fire!” she says, consistent with her earlier, hyper-conservative stance.

Za and Hur deduce that ol’ Witch-face has gone to kill their prisoners to keep them from making fire, so Za decides to save them, believing that in their gratitude they will give fire to him instead of Kal. Alternatively, ol’ Witch-face shows them a back passage out of the cave, commanding they leave and never come back. Unfortunately for her, Za manages to push the rock blocking the main entrance away just as she sees them off.

After administering a beat-down, Za and Hur discuss what they should do. She wants him to go into the forest after them, saying that if he’s the leader, he should be strong enough to fight the beasts that reside there.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. This episode is called ‘Forest of Fear.’”
“Don’t be a pussy.”

The Doctor, Susan, Ian, and Barbara are running through the forest but soon have to slow to a walk because the First Doctor is old.

Also they keep hearing terrifying bird noises.

Ian and the Doctor get into squabble after squabble. It’s all just one big power-play, old guy versus young guy.

"You're old and stupid!"
"You're young and stupid!"

The danger of the forest tends to halt their fighting and make everyone work together.

Eep! That bush wiggled!

Barbara, the weak, frail woman that she is, trips and falls onto the corpse of a wild boar and scream-wails [a companion screams—drink!].  Her cries get the attention of Za and Hur, who have been tracking them. Fearful of both the cave people and the beast that killed the boar, the group climbs behind a tree.

As Za and his cavewoman enter the clearing, Za is mauled by the never-shown creature that killed the boar. He manages to kill it but gets pretty shredded up, and Barbara and Susan run over to help him, forcing Ian and the Doctor to follow.

Ian and Barbara clean the caveman’s wounds, but all the while the Doctor insists that they leave him, concerned that more of the tribe will descend upon them. Agreeing that it’s too dangerous to stay where they are, Ian decides they will bring Za back to the TARDIS despite protests from the Doctor. Hur freaks out and pushes Susan away, who screams [a companion screams—drink!].

Ian pulls a classic old-timey condescending pity-epiphany: “How can we explain to her? She doesn’t understand kindness, friendship.” After even more painful, broken dialogue, Hur agrees to lead them back to the TARDIS.

In a surprising moment of aggression, the Doctor almost hits Za’s head with a rock before Ian stops him, and he only agrees to help carry the make-shift stretcher when Ian reminds him that if he didn’t, then a woman would have to. A woman.

Back at the cave, Kal, Za’s rival, discovers the old woman in the open Cave of Skulls and the prisoners gone. After questioning her, he kills her [someone dies—drink!] and wakes the rest of the cave people.  He frames Za and Hur for his murder of the old woman and gains support as the new leader from the people.

When the group finally make it back to the TARDIS, they are ambushed by Kal and his followers, causing Susan to scream [a companion screams—drink!] and the episode ends [episode ends in a cliffhanger—drink!].

Doctor Who Drinking Game Rules

This is the drinking game that I'll be using along with my reviews of the episodes. The reason I'm including it is because 1) I often play the drinking game with friends, so it's fun for me to point out when you would drink even if you're not, and 2) I list the tally at the top of each entry so that if you're interested in playing the drinking game, you have an idea if it's going to be a drinking-heavy or drinking-light episode.

Have fun when you play, but make sure to drink responsibly! Know when to stop and be able to recognize the signs of alcohol poisoning.

Note: this is a working list that will be frequently updated

All episodes:

• the Doctor mutters an aside
• episode ends in a cliffhanger
• someone actually says “Doctor Who”
• a companion screams
• instead of killing the Doctor quickly, the villain just puts him in some strange and easily escaped danger
• someone dies
• the TARDIS moves
• scene inside the TARDIS not in the control room

First Doctor only:

• you get mind-numbingly bored
• William Hartnell flubs or forgets a line

S01E01.2: The Cave of Skulls (1963)

Written by Anthony Coburn
Directed by Waris Hussein
First Doctor, William Hartnell
Companions: Susan Foreman, Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright

Drinking game tally: 9

The episode opens on a group of cave people gathered around a particular caveman named Za, who is unsuccessfully trying to make fire. The matriarch takes the ultra-conservative stance, arguing that fire is too dangerous so he should just forget about it.

“It’s better to live as we have always done” —eating raw meat and dying by age thirty as cavemen should!

We learn that Za’s social status and future wife are dependent on him making fire, which he will never be able to do by rubbing a bone between his hands. That’s seriously what he’s doing, by the way—it’s not an innuendo:

Cut back to the TARDIS—Ian and Barbara wake up, presumably having passed out during flight. Susan and the Doctor are determining their landing location, while Ian and Barbara continue to refuse to believe that the TARDIS has moved.

“He’s saying I’m a CHARLATAN!”

We also get the first ever “Doctor who?” line in the show—Ian calls the Doctor “Doctor Foreman” (Susan’s last name) and the Doctor does an aside, muttering, “Hm? Doctor who? What’re you talking about?” [Someone actually says “Doctor Who”—drink! The Doctor mutters an aside—drink!]

For once, Susan and the Doctor take careful readings of the environment outside, while Ian continues to argue with the Doctor.

This man from the 1960s doesn’t believe in time travel or have a post-quantum physics understanding of time. What an idiot.

Finally, the Doctor delivers the final blow by opening the TARDIS doors and everyone steps outside.

They discuss how the TARDIS still looks like a police box—it should have changed, and both Susan and the Doctor are surprised.

The Doctor wanders off and we see him being observed by a caveman. Because he’s the Doctor, he lights up a huge tobacco pipe, and at the sight of fire the caveman freaks out and abducts him.

When the companions hear the scuffle, Susan loses her freaking mind and starts screaming “Grandfather!” hysterically and runs off to look for him. [Companion screams—drink!]

Susan returns and continues to scream, wail, cry, and flail around uselessly while Ian and Barbara try to figure out what happened [Companion screams—drink!]. They decide to go looking for him.

We cut again to the cavemen, who are conspiring about the up-and-coming hunter named Kal, who may try to usurp Za.

The spoken-of Kal returns to the tribe with the unconscious Doctor slung over his shoulder. He explains how he saw him make fire and argues that he should be the leader of the clan, solidifying Za’s fears.

After much painful, grunted, broken dialogue [you get mind-numbingly bored—drink!], the Doctor wakes up and, fearful for his safety, promises them he will make them fire. As they continue to argue, the Doctor realizes he’s lost his matches.

Za uses the moment to accuse Kal of being a liar, and in desperation Kal threatens to kill the Doctor if he doesn’t make fire right now. Just when the situation becomes dire, Susan, Ian, and Barbara arrive on the scene. Susan runs over to Kal and leaps on his back, screaming “Grandfather” like a banshee from Hell and a fight breaks out. [companion screams—drink!]

The Doctor and his companions are restrained pretty quickly and Za decides to send them to the Cave of Skulls until Orb, their Sun god, returns, and then he will kill them, meaning they have until dawn to figure a way out of this. Susan, who doesn’t understand the concept of upstaging, is screaming and crying throughout [companion screams—drink!].

The episode ends with the four of them being abandoned in the Cave of Skulls, coughing from the stench of decaying bodies [instead of killing the Doctor quickly, the villain just puts him in some strange and easily escaped danger—drink!]. Ian forebodingly notices that most of the skulls are split open. 

[episode ends in a cliffhanger—drink!]

S01E01.1: An Unearthly Child (1963)

Written by Anthony Coburn

Directed by Waris Hussein

First Doctor, William Hartnell

Companions: Susan Foreman, Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright
Drinking game tally: 4

Being a child of the 90s, I must admit it’s difficult to pay attention to videos in grayscale. Despite that, I’m honestly a fan of the very first Doctor Who opening. The (I’m assuming) smoke tricks and patterns give you a good idea of the sci-fi-ness of the show, and is also pretty impressive because I have no idea how I would go about making smoke do that. Maybe it’s a lava lamp. Who knows.

We also get our first-ever view of the TARDIS behind the episode title! I’m sure people watching it for the first time thought nothing of it as it was the 60s and Police Boxes were still scattered about.

The episode opens on two teachers, Ian and Barbara, who are discussing a mutual student, Susan. She’s exceptionally smart for her age, but won’t allow them to help her at home because her grandfather, a doctor, doesn’t like strangers (I had to suppress my glee at the first mention of the term “doctor”). Barbara explains that Susan’s address on file is only a junk yard, which deepens the mysteriousness of this girl. They decide to stalk her address to see what her deal is (yay boundaries!).

We cut to Susan, who is listening to a plastic box with music coming out of it (like I said, 90s kid). After showing how weird she is a few more times, she declines a ride home, saying, “I like walking through the dark. It’s mysterious.”

Clearly, she’s mysterious.

If you haven’t gotten it by now, she then opens up a book on the French Revolution and says, affronted, “but that’s not right!” creepy music and all. She also doesn’t know how British money works, is bored with simple science experiments, and can’t do math with fewer than five variables. What a weirdo.

Ian and Barbara follow her inside a sort of shed, and can’t find her anywhere. What they do find is a police box that is vibrating slightly. “It’s alive!” Ian proclaims, setting a precedent for the rest of the series that the TARDIS isn’t just some machine. The Doctor enters and Ian and Barbara speak to him about Susan.

A common occurrence for the Doctor I’ve noticed is when he mutters something to himself that shows his intelligence or explains a high-tech device to the audience without the other characters understanding what’s going on. In more recent episodes it usually plays a little better, but in the old stuff it can be pretty ridiculous. Therefore I've added it to the drinking game.

An example of what I mean: Ian calls Susan his pupil and the Doctor mutters, “One of their pupils, not the police then.” Super subtle. [The Doctor mutters an aside—drink!] 

Ian and Barbara try to convince the Doctor to let them see inside the police box, while the Doctor tries to get them to leave. Ian argues, “What are you afraid to show us?” and the Doctor replies, “Afraid? Haha. Go away.” Master of diversion.

Susan, wondering what the hell has been taking the Doctor so long, opens the door and Barbara and Ian rush inside. Holy crap a space ship!

The Doctor does one of his aside muttering things again: “You don’t understand so you find excuses.” [The Doctor mutters an aside—drink!] He then explains that it’s sort of like how you can see a whole building on TV, and the TV fits in your living room. Yup.

Susan, in a consistent state of mild distress, explains that it’s a TARDIS, a name she made up that stands for Time and Relative Dimension In Space. She’s surprised they didn’t guess that, since it clearly has multiple dimensions. What idiots.

After the Doctor explains that they are time-travelling exiles and belong to a different civilization, Barbara tries to convince Susan that this is only a game. They try to get her to leave, and the Doctor locks everyone in. Ian, having enough of this, tries to open the doors himself, but gets electrocuted by the controls.

The Doctor, having decided that there’s no way they’ll keep his secret, flies the TARDIS with some smoke effects from the opening. [TARDIS moves: drink!] The episode concludes with a view of the TARDIS, sitting in what looks like a desert and an intimidating shadow approaching.

Thus begins a longstanding tradition of episodes ending in cliffhangers. [episode ends in a cliffhanger—drink!]